The maid of honor just puked.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
