Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
