Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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