You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
