So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
