well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Sober January is a disaster.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
