I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
the night ended with taco bell and tears
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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