great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
