she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
