wat bout pragnant strippers??
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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