She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
What a dumb baby whore.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
