Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
