If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
