I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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