i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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