OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
