Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
