You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
