Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize