We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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