So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
