I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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