Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
