All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
