the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
