Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
love makes seman taste better
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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