p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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