I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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