My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
