I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
