Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
