thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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