No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
