Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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