So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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