cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
