You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im holly from the hills drunk
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
