apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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