My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
try to milk me bitch
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