is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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