spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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