thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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