i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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