were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
