Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
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