my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
