Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm like, not good at living.
All I want is dick and wine.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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