I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
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Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
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I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter