Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i've created a new STD.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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