I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
