Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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