I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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