You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
