Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
