I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We just shotgunned beers for America
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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