all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
