You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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