Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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