Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
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The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
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Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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