What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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