Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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