Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
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Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
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You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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