She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
