I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I FOUND THE LEGS
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize