return my video game
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
