your thong is hanging out like whoa
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
